Im sorry to say, I love you
by Tay. Mythological
Summary: A sweet Russia X Japan story.Soft-core yaoi later on. After a sad goodbye to Germany axis powers gets a new member, Russia! He has since taken a strange liking to Japan. Who seems to like him back. Warning:It can possibly make you cry,In cute and sadness.
1. Goodbye

**Yay! My first real Hetalia fanfic! Haha I do not own Hetalia or any of the content in this juss sayin... Da! IVAN RULEZZZ :D**

Russia X Japan Chapter One:

"M-Mr. Ludwig?" A teary eyed Kiku whispered. His short brown hair was frizzy and Un-kept.  
>There were bags under his eyes from being up all night. Tears pouring down his soft cheeks. He opended his eyes wider to see his German friend. He laid almost motionless in a plain hospital bed. Kiku cried harder as a gurgling sound came from his dear friends throat and he coughed up blood. <em>No No NO! This cant be happening<em> Kiku screamed in his own mind. He knew exactly what was going on, unlike Felicano, who he could hear in the hallway shouting DOITSU over and over. Tears blinding his now open eyes. Kiku glanced over at the larger man who now seemed like a child. Weak and sweaty. Tired too. Kiku was up all night with Ludwig the night before, Comforting him when he awoke is a cold sweat from his re-accuring nightmares..._Nation Terrors_ he repeated in his mind. He remembered Ludwigs rasping short breaths explaining how He and Felicano were killed in a war between him and the allies. Blood and pain was all around. Everythign was dark and he soon began to fall into a pit of nothing. No one. Kiku snapped out of his thoughts when Ludwig began to start a fit of coughing and moaning and pain. Tears once again fell as he rested his head against the larger man. He cried harder and harder every second that he heard his friend in pain. It was official now... Germany was dissolving. The thought drained Japan of all his energy and will to go on. He sat still and cried alone, till he heard the door squeak open.

"Privet?" A Russian accent sounded out. Powerful and loud. Russia was here... _Why?_ Japan thought but didnt ask, or move just sobbed out loud. The Russian had never seen Kiku cry so he rushed over to him, his scarf flapped awkwardly. Ivan lifted Kiku's chin up to find tears flowing down his cheeks like waterfalls. He took his hand.

"Da? Are you going to be ok?" Kiku pulled his hand away quickly and collapsed into the stronger mans arms. Ivan hugged him tight His violet eyes were wide open in shock and confusion... and Excitment? Kiku sobbed into Ivans arms but he didnt mind. Either of them.

"W-why are you here? I thought you'd be last to say goodbye.." His words were hard to make out. They came out between each sob.

"Da, I am the last. Im sorry to just walk in but, I thought no one would be in here, I thought youd be one of the first people to say good bye da?"

"Oh...Well, I dont K-know ok?" He sounded angry but it faded in with his cries. Ivan sat down and hugged Kiku, letting him cry on his chest. Ivan glanced up at Germany to see mounds of Flowers and gifts sitting on his chest. He clutched them with a shaking hand as he coughed more. The Heavy set Russian winced at his pain instead of enjoying it. Kiku looked at Ivan to find him crying as well.  
>He hugged him. Not careing that his space was being invaded. He just needed someone.<p>

After what seemed like an eternity, Kiku got up and wiped away his tears that fell hard for his falling friend.

"I-I should let you say good bye.." He said barely above a whisper. He ran out quickly and hugged Italy whose eyes were red as well.  
>Ivan couldnt help but notice how much MORE Kikus eyes were emotionless, and clouded over with pain and sorrow.<p>

"Da, Germany?.. I - I wanted to say that, I didnt know you very well, But since i was always alone.. and you were one of my only friends... I wanted to say that what we share is very special da?" He paused before going on "Also i have something for you..."  
>He bent down and scooped the pipe off the floor. He placed the dented, red stained pipe on his only friends chest. "Da.." He said barely audible. Germany took the time to use his last bit of energy to reach up a dying hand and place it weakly on top of the pipe He forced a smile onto his face before forming the words with his mouth and barely getting them out before coughing again:<p>

"J-Ja... Ivan, Thank you." He moaned and coughed again. Ivan felt pity for once and cried harder. He looked at the german who barely smiled before shtting his eyes, In a forever sleep. Ivan collapsed in tears as the room filled with an ear splitting beep.  
>Minutes later he got up and left the room after the doctor came in and placed a fresh bed sheet over his face. He looked out at all the nations gathered around and frowned. He nodded and tears slid down his face. His heart was heavy and felt like ice. Everyone could tell what that meant.<p>

"Da... He's gone.." He sobbed as did everyone else.


	2. A New Begining?

** Here ya go! Another chapter, Idk if you guys like it or not but, Leave a review if you do thanks! Haha I love this pair, so cute :3 3**

The moonlight outside Ivan's window was bright, but his heart was dull. Ludwig was a good friend to him, And was there in his time of need. And to think that now he's just, gone? The heavy set man sat up in bed and stared off. _W-what am I supposed to do now? _He thought silently. He never had any friends, so Germany was always one of his top priorities. He glanced around his room that was, a little too lonely for his liking. He let his eyes dart around before stopping on his other scarf. One with sunflowers on it. Germany gave it to him when he had spent the night at his house. He said he spent the whole day and night knitting it for him. Ivan smiled and whispered to himself. "Da, Spasibo Ludwig.." The words were formed slowly and heavily. His Russian accent deep and flawless. He reached for the scarf and snuggled it close to his face before laying gently down again and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>The sun rised, shining swiftly through the smaller mans window. Kiku awoke and glanced around, Stretching and letting his body fill with energy and life. He didnt sleep very much the night before, His mind wouldnt allow anything but the thought of his fallen friend. He got up and walked into his bedroom, Where Felicano mewed softly in his sleep. Ever since Ludwig "left" Feliciano stayed with Kiku. <em>Where else <em>is_ he to go?_ Kiku would tell himself when the Weak, annoying Italian boy would talk or complain. He walked to his closet carefully and pulled out his day attire from a neat self of his clothes. All of them not much bigger then a teenage girls clothing. He slipped into his clothes and carried on. _Today will be hard. I already know it. _He told himself in his head. Who was he to go to for orders or for support? His mind was cluttered with thoughts and questions. No answers. Who was like Germany that he was close to? His mind glanced back at the day in the hospital. When he sat in the strong embrace of the Russians arms. Ivan! He was tall and serious, yet sweet and loving at the same time. But, Ivan and him had been fighting for decades. Why would Russia just drop it all and forgive him? And what would Italy think? He sat down next to his phone and pet his Domesticated cat before picking up the phone. "Maybe if i call him.." He said aloud. Picking up the phone and dialing, the seconds ticked on.

"Privet. It is Ivan." A strange voice came through the phone, But it was definatly Ivan.

"Uh, Konnichiwa, Russia? Its JKiku... I was wondering, Well, Axis powers isnt complete without Germany, and I know you were close to him. So i wanted to know if, We could go out sometime for tea or something. What do you say?"

"Da, I would like that. I usually dont get invited to things much. Sounds like fun." The Russian seemed cool about the idea so Kiku smiled.

"Hia, Thank you Mr. Ivan!" He said but soon after a reply of 'Yes' Kiku could hear a loud baging noise in the background and a muffles laugh that was definatly Ivan's. He stood for a second then the phone cut out. And a buzzing sound was received. He sat down on his floor mat and once again thought of Ivan. They way He had held him tight and cried with him for Germany. It was sweet. And... Dare he say, Cute? Kiku shook his head to clear all thoughts. He got up and walked into the kitchen to get some tea out of the cupboard. He never got an exact answer on when Ivan would be there. But he didnt mind. The company of anyone right then would be nice. He moved slowly after putting the water on the stove and making Tea. Swiftly he plopped down onto the couch and pet his cat softly. Before to very long a powerful knock hit the door. Making Kiku jump. He walked to the door and tugged it open lightly. Staring inside were two bright violet eyes. Ivan let himself in and sat down within minutes. Kiku smiled lightly and Ivan laughed. He had never noticed how small the Japanese man was compared to his enormous size. Kiku blushed and walked into the kitched to get there tea. He focused his mind steady on pouring the two of them there sweet Lemon tea. He turned around to bring the cups out, only to be greeted quickly by Ivan who towered very closly over him. He bumped into him and spilt the tea on himself. Letting out a loud yelp he jumped around. Ivan watched amussed as the small man glanced at his shirt, which was stained by the tea. Ivan stared at Kiku with puzzled look on his face. Japan glanced down before running to his room to change. Ivan chuckled.

* * *

><p>"So, Kiku why did you call me over?" The Russia questioned after Kiku appeared again and they were both seated, eating rice balls. Kiku swallowed before continuing.n<p>

"Oh well, Felicano and I are a little shooken by Ludwig's disslution, and Well when i thought of someone to talk to, you came to mind. Sorry if i am bothering you with this." He looked away.

"Oh no not at all, Im glad to be here for you. I understand what your going through. GLudwig was my only friend." Kiku looked at him in disbelief for a moment.

"Your only friend?" He retorted.

"Da."

"O-Oh.. Well, Ill be your friend. That is, if your willing to forgive me for the Russo-Japanese war, and such." Kiku blushed and Ivan smiled. There minds racing with totally different thoughts. _Wow, I never thought id be able to get that out! phew! Kiku_ was relived, Yet Ivan smiled deeply _Wow, Ive never noticed how petite Kiku is. And how adorable he looks when he blushes. Wait what?_ The heavier man looked up and was shocked at his own thoughts. _No no no!_ He yelled at himself. Kiku sat staring at his face in confusion. Minutes later Ivan awoke from a deep thought and Glanced at Kiku to answer his question.

"D-da I forgive you. As long as you forgive me as well?" He was shaking at the thought of gaining another friend. His mind filled with surging excitement, he was barely able to hear Kiku's response.

"Of course." The Japanese man replied.

* * *

><p>RIvan walked into his house that night with a smile on his face. He had not been with Kiku very long but, Things had gone well, for the most part. He thought back to his own mysterious ways of thinking. <em>You cant think that way about him, no matter how cute he is when he jumps around. You only started talking to him a few days ago! Why? No no no no no!<em> He tried hard to deny his own ways but to no extent could he defeat himself. He plopped in bed and glanced at the four walls he was used to. Another night alone. Nothing new. For Ivan the being alone was normal, but the extreme thinking and confusion was a new chapter for him. _He wondered to himself why he wanted to be with Kiku again? Its not like he knows anything about him? Why would he even like him? Because he's cute? Ugh, thats not a real reason. I dont like him. No I dont._ His mind said such things but the butterflies in his stomach spoke a whole different story.


	3. Nightmares! Please Help!

Ivan walked into his house slowly. He hadnt been out all night drinking like usual. So it was quite early for him. He sat at the table and glanced around. _What now?_ He stared out, the uncomfortable silence seemed to grow closer to him with every second he was alone. _Heh, Nothing new._ Before long he let his mind wander. It reached great depths of thought before landing on one specfic topic.

The tall man got up and slowly went for one of the empty vodka bottles that littered the floor. He grasped hold of its neck and tossed it up to test its weight. "Oh Lithuania!" It echoed, "Come here for a minute." For a few seconds Ivan frowned at the silence, but perked up when sudden footsteps trampled down the stairs.

"Da?" The shaking baltic shrinked in size compared to the enormous soviet, Who was now, Raising the bottle high above his head. Almost like he was scratching his back.

"Im sorry for this but," to the smaller mans surprise the bottle suddenly came crashing down into his head. Toris fell to the ground and hugged his knee whille cupping his head. Blood gurgling from the exposed wound he had just encountered. Blood had already stained his hair. Ivan chuckled and brought another bottle down onto his head. Toris began silently screaming. Which didnt please the sadistic nation. He forced Toris to his feet, only to bring his new pipe down onto his shoulder. forcing him down again. In all the commotion no one noticed the phone ringing out a tune that sounded so cheery in the midst of pain.

Minutes ticked by of the same abuse., The pipe, the bottles, the hands. All flying and striking whatever they could. The other baltic nations thought Ivan was drunk by the way he forced out deep, murderous laughs, confused in with gurgling blood in the back of the nations throat..

.

.

.

But this was the first day, Ivan had been sober. Since Germany died.

Kiku was franticall dialing again. His little fingers flying over each number quickly. _Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Voicemail._ "Ugh!" His enraged cries were quickly cut short by a repeditive voice.

"Kiku! J-Japan!" Feliciano tugged desperatly at kiku's sleeve to get his attention. "Kikuuu! I jut woke up from my nap and i had a bad dream and i feel empty inside!" The italian boy began to weep again. Ever since Ludwig died Feliciano had been having horrible, Re-accuring nightmares. He had clung to the japanese mans side ever since. "Kiku, We need to get Doitsu back!" He sobbed harder.

"Uh, Feliciano. I know. Im working on that. Here," He paused to pick up his cat and hand it to the waiting boy. "Have my cat." Italy looked at it for a second before grinning once again and running off to play.

Kiku glanced back to the phone and dialed again.. "Come on Russia answer!" He was calling Russia to ask if he would like to stay over to help take care of Feliciano. He had been having terrible day dreams for a while too. And complanined about needing, A big strong Germany again? Kiku shook his head when the voicemail lady spoke out once again. _Ugh! What are you doing Russia? _He shouted to himself. How in the world was he going to take care of the complaining boy on his own?

Before to long Ivan had begun to slowly escape back to himself. It took a while for the sugar honey voice to melt away and return to the none blood tirsty Ivan Braginski. By the time Toris had scurried off Ivan noticed the phone's missed calls. _Whose called me so late and so many times?_ He was left alone with his thoughts again.

Before to very long Ivan began to drift off to sleep. Still sitting on the couch in the living room. Blood stains surrounded him as he mewed softly. Quiet whispers could be heard in the room next to him, of the Baltics tending to Toris' wounds. There voices carried well throughout the old stone building but, to no avail could they ever wake Ivan. Till a loud ringing sounded next to him.

Kiku barely got sleep that night due to Feliciano and his nightmares. _Ivan... Why couldn't you have picked up the phone! Your help would be soo useful right now!_ Kiku facepalmed and mentally slapped himself for not knowing how to deal with Feliciano. "Shh! Feliciano. It's ok. It was just a dream!" He tried harder to stop the flailing boy but it seemed to be failing. Glancing at the clock he read off the numbers outloud: "10:00... Wait here Feliciano. Ill be back in a minute." Kiku raced off and to the phone again. Maybe he'd pick up now? He dialed swiftly with his little fingers flying over each number. It rang.

And Rang

And Rang

And Rang

"Privet?" I tired voice sounded through after what seemed like years. 

"Uh, Hello? Ivan? I need your help badly! Feliciano wont stop crying over Germany, and yelling that he needs "Another Germany around." C-can you help?" Kiku scrambled around for something to quiet the Italian boy down so he could hear. He threw a stuffed animal at Feliciano and it hit him square in the face. He sat for a second stunned. Enough time to hear Ivans reply. Thank god.

"Oh, Uh... Sure?" Kiku could tell he way still in a sleepy state but he needed him now. "Da, Ill be over right away."


End file.
